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Older mother drives, but never arrives

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear Amy: Recently my nephew got married.

My mom RSVP'd for the wedding and made the five-hour drive with her husband to the city the wedding was in, but then didn't attend the wedding and reception.

Her excuse was the fact that my stepfather had forgotten to pack dress clothes (there was no dress code for the wedding; jeans would have been acceptable).

The next day all of our family members had brunch at a local restaurant. Again, my mom RSVP'd "yes" for her and her husband, and then didn't attend. This time her excuse was that she couldn't find her sunglasses and therefore couldn't drive to the restaurant. (My stepfather doesn't drive, and my mom has macular degeneration, but my brother offered to pick them up.)

We had flown across the country to attend this wedding, and I resent that my mother didn't even bother to see us.

This is not the first time my Mom has done this. When one of my mom's nieces died, she made the five-hour drive and then didn't attend the funeral. (I flew in to attend.) And a few months ago, her brother died, and she did not make the drive and did not attend the funeral.

 

What should I do? I am so angry that I feel like disowning my mom, but I realize that's not rational or mature.

-- Upset Daughter

Dear Upset: If your mother proactively declined every invitation and obligation, you would have a more obvious hook to hang your anger upon.

Here she is, driving for hours with macular degeneration (yikes!), trying mightily -- in her way -- to show up! And yet ... she can't quite get there.

...continued

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