Mother's legacy is estrangement, and some cash
Dear Amy: In my opinion, my husband taught my children to disrespect me.
He has been gone since 2004, and the situation is getting worse year by year.
Two of my children have not talked to me for 11 years, and took my grandchildren away from me. I have two more children who are nice to me for maybe a year, and then they get angry and explode and say horrible things. Then after a couple of years they come back as if nothing has happened.
I tried to be a good wife and mother. Evidently, I messed up somewhere along the way.
How do I fix my will? Do I leave out the two children who have not talked to me for 11 years? Do I just leave everything to all of them?
I don't mean to punish them, but I don't think they deserve a gift, nor do I think they would even want or accept it.
I have tried to get help from my pastor, counselor and lawyer. They don't seem to have any suggestions. With your experience, what would you suggest?
-- Mistreated Mom
Dear Mistreated: You have solicited opinions far and wide, and my instinct is that you either aren't listening, or are perhaps discounting opinions about this if they don't jibe with what you really want to do.
It would be unethical for any of these advisers to try to guide you toward specific causes (for the pastor to guide you toward donating to the church, for instance), and so I assume that these professionals are basically advising you to follow your own heart and to do whatever you want to do. It's your money. You get to spend it however you want, including designating a bequest. One idea is for you to set up a trust to benefit your grandchildren's educations.
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