A friendship falters as forgiveness fades
Dear Amy: A dear friend of mine of many years got angry with me and treated me very poorly. She apologized, I accepted and we moved on.
I don't want to lose the friendship, however I am on edge around her because I am afraid of doing something else that might set her off.
I don't know how to handle this.
I am even fearful of trying to discuss this with her.
Do you have any suggestions?
-- Embarrassed in NY
Dear Embarrassed: You don't seem to have fully believed or accepted your friend's apology. You have not successfully moved on.
Forgiveness is a heavy lift. So is friendship. If your friend's reaction was out of the blue and out of character, you should try to imagine what might be going on in her own life that might trigger this sort of reaction.
If you are so fearful of this person's reaction that you won't even risk broaching the topic with her, then your friendship is not back on track. If you want your friendship to be restored and functional, you need to be brave enough to bring up this incident.
Try: "I want you to know that I'm still struggling with some emotional fallout from our upsetting disagreement. Can we talk about this some more? I really want to get back on track."
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