ArcaMax

Dear Amy: My dad and stepmom of 10 years recently announced they are getting a divorce.

I heard about the divorce from my father a few weeks ago and have not seen my stepmother since he told me.

My husband and I are being supportive to my father, but I feel unsure about what to do in regards to my stepmom.

I'm torn between sending an email letting her know I wish her the best and that I will cherish the time we had together, and feeling like an email isn't "enough" for someone who had become a big part of our family.

I know some sort of closure is needed but I am unsure of how to go about it. Any advice?

-- Confused Stepchild

Dear Confused: Your father is the one seeking closure. You don't have to.

Unless the break-up is particularly angry or the result of abuse, you should not have to close the book on your own relationship with your stepmother. The relationship will definitely change, but you are an adult, and if you would like to maintain a friendship with her, then you should.

This person has been a close family member. She has likely witnessed important events in your life. She may have worked very hard to form a relationship with you.

So yes, you should email her (or write her a note) to let her know that you are grateful for her presence in your life. Tell her you are sorry she and your father are going through this challenging experience. Share a couple of important memories you have of her. And extend your hand in friendship moving forward, if you are inclined.

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