Demisexual wonders how to leave the friend zone
Dear Amy: I am a 24-year-old female, and I have never had sex. I am demisexual. This means that I am unable to feel sexually attracted to someone without first having an emotional bond. (I do want sex, and could have a normal and healthy sex life with someone I knew well). I have always wanted, more than anything, to be in a loving relationship.
It is virtually impossible for me to tell, upon first meeting someone, if we will be friends, or if I will fall in love far down the road.
This makes dating really hard. I think I need to be more upfront with telling guys about demisexuality, and then hope that they will understand.
I keep falling in love with "best friends," and then being rejected when I try to tell them that I want to be more than friends.
I am fit and attractive. I have wonderful friends and a promising career.
I realize this isn't the most important problem in the world. I volunteer and try to focus on helping others, but I have always struggled with low self-esteem. I have a tendency to throw away any personal goals or sense of self in hopes of winning someone over.
I constantly work on self-improvement, but I don't understand how to fix this or what makes me so different from other girls. I feel so worthless, unattractive and unlovable.
I am already going to therapy, but have not had much luck with it. I just can't take this pattern of loneliness and rejection.
Do you have any suggestions?
-- Demi
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