Long-married wife struggles with self-esteem
Dear Amy: I've been married for 26 years. My husband and I are in counseling for marital problems. I struggle with self-esteem and shame.
My husband and I clicked immediately when we met. I thought I had found a man who loved me and didn't judge me. We married a year later.
Three months after our wedding, everything changed. One night I tried to initiate sex (this was something he said he wanted me to do). He said that he didn't want to have sex with me because I had gained weight and he was no longer attracted to me.
I was hurt and humiliated.
First of all, I had only gained five pounds and was at a completely normal weight. But I went on a diet and lost it all. I tried to be the perfect wife so he would accept me.
When I was pregnant he wouldn't come near me. He is a good man. He is home at night, helps around the house and has been a good provider, but these rejections continue to affect me deeply.
I have managed to put this issue aside, and we have had some wonderful years. But it has caused me to feel insecure, especially because after childbirth and aging my body has changed. I don't want him to see me naked. He doesn't show any empathy, even at our counseling sessions.
He told the counselor that he married me because I was beautiful. I suppose that's a compliment, but I feel ripped off. I married this man for love and emotional security.
How do I deal with this?
-- Holding On
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