Spouse struggles to share husband's losses
Dear Amy: My husband is 56 and I am 31. During the five years we've been together, he has lost countless friends, family and acquaintances.
He's a union rep, so he knows many people, including retirees, and goes to several funerals a month. The hardest ones are obviously for his close friends or their children whom he watched grow up. Some have been truly tragic.
He has an extremely difficult time expressing his emotions -- happy or sad.
I have to listen very closely for cues to understand how affected he is. For instance, today he insulted his favorite football team after hearing about another friend's death.
I don't know any of these people and I have not been invited to their services. They are people my husband knew for decades but doesn't necessarily hang around with anymore. He's more comfortable going to these services by himself and I respect that.
During this same time, I have been blessed to not lose anyone close to me. Naturally, my friends have been getting married and having children.
We are aware of the differences in our stages of life, but it doesn't make it any easier to relate in the moment.
My question is, what more can I say other than, "I'm sorry you lost your friend."
He responds well to gestures. I try to cook a special dinner or at least try to be less annoying than usual.
Is it overstepping to send flowers to the services? What else could I do?
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