Young dad wants more attention from his mom
Dear Perplexed: I'm going to offer you some honest feedback about the situation you describe.
Your brother is terminally ill. Although he disclosed this more recently, it's possible that he either suspected or knew about his illness when your father died. This would naturally have created some very complicated emotions, confusion and perhaps time pressure on his part.
It is also possible that his illness has disrupted, distorted or amplified his emotions and reactions. It would be generous of you and your other siblings to offer your brother every possible benefit of the doubt. I think you would all feel better if you did.
Yes, keep in touch with his children. After your brother's death, let them know that, "For a bunch of complicated reasons, your dad didn't want us to see you, and we have missed you very much."
Dear Amy: Responding to the question from "Unmerry Christmas," the grandparents who basically "crashed" the other in-laws' Christmas brunch, we have learned that we need to be very flexible over the holidays. If parents and grandparents can just let go of jealousies and enjoy the time they have, these times can hold such very special memories.
My husband and I decided long ago, as our children started to marry and start their own families, that we would always try to be part of the solution, instead of part of the problem.
-- Happy Together
Dear Happy: ...And I assume your children are grateful. Well done.
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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: ASKAMY@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)
