Family member is harsh toward autistic child
Dear Amy: My 22-year-old niece told my teenage daughter to "shut up" during our Thanksgiving meal.
The problem is, my daughter has severe autism. She makes odd and loud noises. She rocks. She has a hard time sitting still.
This is not the first time that my niece has been unkind and harsh to my daughter. And even though my daughter may seem like she's in her own world, I promise you, she's a smart cookie and I am certain that the words and ugly looks directed at her have an impact.
My husband says we should just stop going to family functions to spare our daughter and ourselves from the stress.
I've told my niece point blank not to talk to my daughter like that, but it keeps happening.
I guess she's just young and ignorant, but I know lots of amazing young adults who would never speak that way to anyone, much less someone with a different ability. If she were a para professional at school and did this, she'd be fired.
It is hard enough dealing with strangers who don't "get" my daughter, and can be rude and unfriendly, so it's doubly hard when it's family.
My sister won't do anything about it. My husband and I have strategies to help our daughter calm down, but they don't always work, and sometimes she just needs to express herself as she does. And it's almost always a joyful and happy expression. I actually enjoy her sounds. The kind people in our lives enjoy them, too!
Anyway, I am at a loss. Please help!
-- Concerned Mom
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