Dad's feelings are hurt when kids seek bio family
Dear Amy: My parents divorced when my brother and I were very young.
We never had any contact with our biological father, or with his side of the family. Our mom remarried, and our wonderful stepfather legally adopted my brother and me. Mom and "Dad" have been married for over 30 years now.
Having our "Dad" and his family in our life has been wonderful!
Although we were raised with a loving extended family, my brother and I still battled with abandonment issues. We longed for contact with our bio family.
One fateful day, when I was a teenager, I found my paternal grandmother and gave her a call. Since then we have reconnected with our father's family, but not with our father. He is still a deadbeat.
Knowing these family members has filled a hole in us. They are loving and supportive.
Most of them still live in the state we grew up in. During our visits home, we make a point to visit with these family members, but this really bothers our "Dad."
He knows we love him. But whenever he finds out we're going to visit our other family, he pouts and gets sensitive, and is irritable and cold for the rest of the day.
We are to the point that we don't want to mention visiting at all, but I don't want to sneak around behind his back.
How can we let him know that we don't like that he makes us feel guilty for visiting/loving our other family? Is there a way we could help him with his insecurity?
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