ArcaMax

Dear Amy: When I was 18, a friend of my father's, who I knew through a community group, asked to meet me for coffee. After coffee, he put his young daughter in their car and then sat with me in my car for a few minutes, holding my hand and telling me how he had been thinking of me over the last couple years, while he was going through his divorce.

He ended this statement by kissing me.

I fled as soon as I was able to, and never said anything about it to anyone.

I believe I initially feared my (single) father would be angry with me, and I would get in trouble. I left for college the next month and received one or two emails/voicemails from this man, which I ignored.

I don't like that this happened to me, but I wasn't scarred by it and haven't really been carrying it around with me for the last 15-plus years.

In light of the current political climate and public discourse, however, I find myself wondering if I should disclose it to my (conservative) father. I'm not sure what I'd expect or want my father's reaction to be. What do you think?

-- Wondering

Dear Wondering: I think you are wondering about confronting the wrong person.

You don't need to convince yourself that you were victimized, and you don't need to invent a scar where none exists -- but you've obviously thought about this off and on for 15 years, and it seems that you want to push back -- as an adult -- the way you couldn't as a teen. Fleeing the scene, 15 years ago, was the natural, normal and appropriate response. Facing it is the right choice for you now.

Compose an email to this man, and tell him that you resent his behavior toward you when he was an adult and you were a teenager.

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