Moms say that teen girls are 'asking for it'
Dear Amy: My women friends and I are all mothers of teenagers. Due to current events, we've discussed sexual assault and the roles and responsibilities of the various parties. One of my closest friends expressed the opinion that many girls these days "dress like tramps," so it's not surprising that boys respond sexually. She even said she had accused her own teenage daughter of this, and then turned to her 13-year-old son, saying that there are two kinds of girls: the ones you could take home to your family and the "other kind."
My other good friend seemed to agree. I said I thought this was a huge mistake, and that she was teaching her son that it's OK to mistreat girls.
In a separate conversation, three moms stated that they have told their sons that they need to watch out for girls these days, because girls are likely to falsely allege sexual assault. Another mom stated that, "The girls deserve what they get" because of the way they dress.
I asked her if she meant rape. She shrugged and said, "Maybe not rape, but I bet they like getting touched." My two other friends nodded in agreement.
I responded that I hoped she was not teaching this to her son, and then I abruptly left, literally seeing red.
Amy, I am floored. I believe that girls should be respected, regardless of their clothing choices. I've made this clear to my daughters and my son. Some of the women I'm describing are my best friends, and I'm struggling to reconcile their views with the kind people they otherwise are.
Your advice if this comes up again?
-- Frustrated Friend
Dear Frustrated: Your friends' despicable "advice" to their teenage sons and daughters is not only ethically wrong, but it is placing other teens at risk. Your own daughter, for example, is interacting with teenage boys who are being told that girls "deserve" to be touched against their will, or assaulted, and that they are basically asking for it.
I only agree with one aspect of this advice, although not for the reason this mom intended: Yes, boys would be wise to "watch out" for girls these days, because girls these days are more likely to fight back or report unwanted touching or sexual assault, rather than silently suffer for years the way women in previous generations have done.
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