Adult seeks to heal from childhood trauma
Dear Amy: I was a victim of sexual abuse, starting when I was 4 years old. I was first raped when I was 7. As a result, I (to my frustration and shame) became very promiscuous as a young teen and into adulthood. I have allowed myself to be abused physically, emotionally and sexually my entire life.
I have battled drug addiction and shame for, first, what was done to me, and then because of my shame at my own behaviors afterward. I am following a much better path now. I'm 36 and have lost so much of my life. At one point, I tried to kill myself.
I know how terrible it all sounds. If I were to listen to my story from anyone else, my heart would break for them. But for myself, I am impatient and frustrated with how I have wasted my life. How do I forgive myself?
Trying to Mend
Dear Trying: For survivors of abuse, certainly at the scale you experienced, shame, guilt and anger are the primary emotions you would access. This is because your childhood was stolen from you, and your emotional development was arrested before it was even formed.
You are experiencing many of the signs and symptoms of childhood sexual trauma.
The abuse was not your fault. Repeat this until you believe it, and for the rest of your life. You were exploited and then not protected by the adults who were supposed to protect you. This is truly tragic, and your determination to heal makes you a survivor/warrior.
You should receive professional help from a counselor with an expertise in dealing with adult survivors. As an adult, you need to learn to reclaim your life -- and learn, step by step, how to lead a healthy life of integrity and purpose. You have already come so far, and with help, you will continue.
The Wings Foundation serves to connect adult survivors of childhood abuse with therapists and support groups. Check their website at wingsfound.org.
Dear Amy: I am 22 years old. My fiance is 51. We are very happy together and have a nice life. Years ago, I moved out of my parents' house. For the first few months after I moved out, my mother was vile. She commented about my weight and my tattoos (that I got after moving out), and attacked my boyfriend.
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