Long marriage now seems thoroughly broken
Dear Amy: I've been married for more than 30 years, through good times and bad.
Right now times seem bad.
My husband has been retired for eight years from his job as a local trucker. He mostly worked nights.
When he was working, he blamed his bursts of anger on a lack of sleep. Well, many years post-retirement, he still has outbursts of swearing and yelling.
Back in the day, I would engage in the confrontations. Then when I was about 40, I made a decision that I just didn't want to fight anymore. Instead, I disengage. Adults should be able to have conversations without shouting and cursing.
I told my husband that I don't feel loved, and I don't even feel liked. Therefore, I'm not interested in having sex with him, because he doesn't seem to love -- or even like -- me. He has not confirmed or denied -- or disclosed -- his feelings about me.
There have been occasions, when I've been drinking, when we have had sex, which I do not remember in the morning. What would you call that?
-- Wondering
Dear Wondering: I would call that either blackout drinking (or a date rape drug), accompanied by sexual assault; or (possibly) a psychological phenomenon called dissociation.
Dissociation is how some people cope with trauma -- by basically detaching themselves from reality.
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