Woman feels hoodwinked by closeted man
Dear Amy: I was widowed in my 30s, with three young children. It was a very painful process to lose my husband at the young age of 39.
I began to date after two years, never expecting anything to come out of it. I met a very kind and thoughtful man, "Steven," who accepted me and my children.
Steven and I dated for two years. The first year was wonderful. My family and my in-laws all accepted him.
As year two began, he began to change. He stopped being attentive, and started to randomly go out by himself. We eventually broke up because he couldn't commit. At the beginning of our relationship, he didn't seem to have a problem with commitment. He took advantage of my life and of my children being secure with him.
I started to realize that odd things had happened; men were very friendly toward him when we were together. One guy even asked to drive him home one night while we were out together. Nothing clicked that he might be gay. After several similar incidents occurred, a friend confirmed that he is gay.
It has been over 20 years and I have since moved on, but the hurt is still there because there was no real closure except for abandonment.
Amy, Steve continues to date women and break up with them after two years. This is his pattern! I suspect that none of these women know the truth and are probably in a similar position as I was. I'm sure their hearts have been broken, just as mine was.
Why in this day and age when coming out is accepted, would someone deceive another person and continue to do this -- over such a long period of time?
-- Heartbroken Again
Dear Heartbroken: Any person dating "Steven" now would probably understand that if he has never sustained a romantic relationship for more than two years over the decades, the guy likely does not want to commit, long term, to anyone.
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