ArcaMax

Dear Amy: A couple of months ago, my girlfriend went out with some mutual friends while I stayed home to deal with a personal issue. It was unusual for her to go out on her own, since we do most things together, but we discussed it and I got over any issues I had with the fact that she went out without me.

Recently, I found out that she, along with the rest of the group, was drunk that night. The thing is she doesn't usually get drunk. Like, zero times in the last 18 months.

We go out with the "group" quite a bit, and she doesn't have more than two drinks.

I'm weirded out about this. I understand that it's normal to be independent, and I fully support that, but I just think it's a bit odd to doing something out of character when the "BF" isn't present.

-- Weirded Out

Dear Weirded Out: Routinely getting drunk might be a dangerous habit, but your girlfriend is not a big drinker normally, and from your letter it sounds like no one else has expressed concern about her drinking habits. Nor has she done anything embarrassing, unkind or illegal.

This sounds like a case of getting drunk in good company, which, if you're going to do it, is the best way to go.

What concerns me more is your attitude.

Despite your insistence, you are obviously NOT OK with the fact that she went out without you and had a good time, and now you are trying to manipulate her into feeling bad after the fact. (Barkeep, make mine a double...)

You and your girlfriend should reframe your codependent relationship. You should consider setting some time aside each week to go out on your own -- take a class, or go out with your own friends independently. Your girlfriend should do this too; you each need to develop your own independent, supportive social circle.

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