Siblings want to send artist to life-school
Dear Amy: My brother has worked as a freelance artist (with side gigs, such as teaching) his whole life. He is capable of working hard, and is talented, but due to distractions (volunteer work) and poor choices (he doesn't believe in agents, and refuses overly "commercial" work) he has never supported himself.
My parents have subsidized him, bailed him out and paid for a second college degree, but nothing seems to get him to the point of being self-sufficient.
Now he is 54, totally broke and back living with my retired, elderly parents. He has again borrowed money from them for a new art-related venture, but it is nowhere near the kind of thing that would earn him a living.
When my folks are gone, no one else in the family will be willing to subsidize his failed and impractical dreams. My siblings and I think he should just take any job, save what he can for retirement and be an artist on weekends. But he keeps using excuses, thus delaying the inevitable.
How do you break it to someone that "do what you love and the money will follow" is not a retirement plan?
-- Fed Up With Failed Artist
Dear Fed Up: You and your siblings needn't continue to school your 54-year-old brother, who by your account is talented and competent. He has certainly figured out how to live his lifestyle while letting others support him. Crafty!
He is who and what he is. You should focus on his impact on others. If he is manipulating your folks out of their retirement savings, then you should do everything possible to intervene. However, you should also consider that his presence in their household could be helpful and mainly positive. If he is helping to take care of them, this has value to all of you.
Your statements to him should not revolve around directing him in his artistic career, but in letting him know -- unequivocally, that the buck stops at your doorstep. He may find himself being forced to take a low-wage job and public assistance down the road at a time when he could be retiring, but one advantage of having artistic talent is that he can continue to do what he loves, regardless of his lifestyle. Wish him luck, and keep one hand on your wallet.
Dear Amy: I have an upcoming long-weekend visit with my spouse, my two siblings and their spouses.
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