Uncle wonders why family members are ghosting him
Dear Amy: I grew up with two siblings -- a brother and a sister. My brother, his wife and three children lived near our parents. My family and I (wife, two children) lived some distance away. We maintained contact through holiday cards and drop-by visits. Everything was cordial, if not particularly close. In hindsight, all direct interaction with my folks was always at our initiation.
Sadly, my brother passed away quite suddenly a few years ago. He was still a relatively young man. My SIL still maintained infrequent, cordial contact surrounding major events (kids' graduating, my father's passing), but that's about it.
About a year ago my SIL married an old flame from college. She moved to his town, some distance away. We lost all contact. It was not just us -- she and her children essentially "ghosted" their paternal grandparents, which was a source of great pain for my late father.
Strangely, last week I learned that SIL and her daughter (same age as one of my children) had relocated again six months ago. They are now living within 10 minutes' drive from my house. I guess the previous relocation and marriage didn't work out.
I am trying very hard to empathize with her: Perhaps they just suffered another in a series of terrible situations. But then, why pretend that my family and I don't exist? Why not make any effort?
My wife is furious and considering not giving any more graduation/wedding gifts to the nieces/nephew from this part of the "family."
Your advice?
-- Ghosted Uncle
Dear Uncle: I'm wondering why you are ghosting your nieces/nephew. Their father died suddenly. They were relocated to a faraway town for a marriage that turned out to be very short term. Then they moved again.
Were you ever a teenager? (I'm guessing at the ages of these kids.) Would you have initiated contact with your aunt and uncle if there had been sporadic contact in the years after a parent's death -- and then no contact for at least a year?
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