Life Advice

/

Health

Entire family opts out of destination wedding

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear Amy: I am getting married soon. We chose a destination wedding.

I asked my family and friends in advance of inviting them, and the responses ranged from "Yes!" to "maybe," to "no." I understand not everyone can afford the time or money to get away for a week's vacation and destination wedding.

When it came time to put deposits on the houses we rented for the week, my family ALL backed out. It really hurt my feelings. Every single person (outside of my parents and my sister) backed out. My fiance's family is overflowing with people who want to come. I truly can't wait to become a part of that family, they are amazing!

We are also throwing a local reception. Many of the people who backed out of the destination wedding are now declining the local reception. These are people who told me that "they wouldn't miss it for the world" and that they "will definitely be there!" All declined, with no explanation. I'm just stunned and hurt. I have attended every single event I was invited to in their lives, and I just don't feel the loyalty is being returned.

I want to write off those people and not attend future family events, unfriend them on Facebook and ignore them. But I also feel that it is petty, that they must have their reasons for not attending and that they aren't intentionally hurting me.

How should I approach the relationship with the family I feel abandoned me?

 

-- Jilted Bride

Dear Jilted: You are correct -- asking people to spend a week's vacation in order to attend your wedding is asking a lot. You don't mention why the commitment is so lengthy, but you can assume that it was just unworkable for some of your invited guests.

All the same, I cannot imagine why family members are also declining to attend your local reception. Perhaps your mother -- or another close family member -- can provide some insight. You could also ask them directly: "I totally understand why you didn't come to our wedding, but why aren't you coming to our local party? I was looking forward to seeing you."

Celebrations seem easy on the surface, but they are actually complex and reciprocal. You will never forget those people who went to a lot of trouble to attend your wedding. It is endearing and important. You will also never forget those who let you down.

...continued

swipe to next page

 

 

Comics

Breaking Cat News Tim Campbell Between Friends Caption It Mallard Fillmore Chris Britt