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Wife wonders if she should leave 'boring' marriage

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear Amy: I am a 41-year-old woman who has been married to my high school sweetheart for 20 years. We have three beautiful children, ages 18, 16 and 12.

I love my family, but tend to get bored with my husband.

As far as I know, he has been faithful to our marriage, but I, on the other hand, have not been faithful.

I don't know whether to stay in the marriage or get a divorce, so that I may find a real soulmate.

I love him as a friend, but at the same time I would like to get away from him. Should I sacrifice my marriage for a chance to be truly happy with someone else? Although, I do know there is no such thing as a "happily-ever-after" relationship, I wonder if I should try to find it.

-- Unwillingly Happy

 

Dear Unwillingly Happy: What a strange way to sign your question! This signals that you either aren't willing to be happy or your subconscious signed your letter and that you are happy against your will.

Let us please dispense with the notion of a "soulmate." This is an invention designed to sell books that dangle the promise of a sort of relationship perfection that simply doesn't exist for most (if not all) people. For many, being peacefully married to your high school sweetheart and friend, as well as having three beautiful children, is the very definition of "happily ever after."

But happily ever after starts with you. You married young, and you are now headed into the great gaping maw of midlife. You have not stayed faithful to your husband (and your children). Cheating means that you are engaged in secret-keeping, and this further distances you from your family, interfering with intimacy.

One route to true happiness is to experience the joy and challenge of living an authentic life. In your case, it means getting to the bottom of what's eating you -- and not blaming your boredom with your husband solely on him.

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