Family wedding could revive family feud
Dear Amy: My 24-year-old nephew, "Harley," is marrying his longtime girlfriend in September. I don't have children, but if I could pick one for me, it would be him.
I have been estranged from both of his parents for many years. His mother is my sister, and she's divorced from his father. I haven't talked to my sister in over five years. I did stay in touch with his dad until several years ago, when I made the mistake of calling him out on some bad parenting. He got so irate at me that he "released me" from his life and made it clear that I was never to contact him again.
Even though both rifts are in full force, I would still attend his wedding if it was in a neutral location. However, I just found out that Harley and his fiancee will marry in his dad's backyard.
Harley is aware that his mom and I don't speak, but I don't think he knows about my rift with his dad. I'm pretty sure his dad would not want me to come to his home, even for the wedding day.
Should I tell Harley I can't attend because of the situation with his dad? (I don't want to put any strain on him.)
Or should I say nothing, go to the wedding and stay out of both parents' way, hoping that I don't get thrown out by the dad?!
-- Worried
Dear Worried: It doesn't seem to have occurred to you that this provides an opportunity for you to try to mend these family rifts. You don't say why you aren't speaking to your sister, but the rift with your nephew's father was your own fault (as you admit). Have you ever apologized or tried to mend fences?
You should at the very least contact "Harley's" father, apologize for your behavior and say that with the passage of time, you hope that he has forgiven you. Note that you are honored to have been asked to the wedding and that you take this as an opportunity to be a supportive family member.
Yes, you should attend, and yes, you should behave yourself. This calls for you to be low-key and cordial to everyone.
...continued
