Family members lurk on social media
Dear Amy: I have a large extended family. I was close to my cousins and aunts growing up, but I now feel like the black sheep of the family. I am gay and have political and religious beliefs that are different from the rest of my conservative family.
While no one has ever been overtly mean or critical to my face, I am "friends" with many of my relatives on social media, and I am routinely given the cold shoulder in this forum.
My aunts post warm messages to their other nieces and nephews. They have never posted anything to me. My cousins constantly post back and forth with each other.
If I add a comment to the conversation, no one responds back. I often leave friendly comments on their photos and updates, even though they never acknowledge me. While this is hurtful, I understand that my lifestyle is very foreign to them.
I am content to leave things at arm's length (I'm also embarrassed that it bugs me at all). My mother is very close to her siblings and their children, but she has no idea that they treat me this way. She does not have a social media account.
Weirdly enough, my relatives seem to be paying close attention to my social media, and often tell my mom about updates or photos I have posted, which she appreciates. I want to tell her that these relatives are two-faced, but I'm not sure I need to make my problem her problem, and the problem of me feeling snubbed on social media is easily solved by removing them from my friends list. Advice?
-- Snubbed
Dear Snubbed: Your relatives are lurking. Lurkers note what other people post, but decline to "like" or comment on those posts. The fact that they are aware of your doings and report them positively to your mother means that they are paying attention.
You should post whenever and however you want to. You might feel better about this dynamic if you become more of a lurker on your family's posts. Yes, unfriend them (or hide their posts) if you want to, but don't let them change you. I don't know how it will help matters for you to report this snubbing to your mother.
Dear Amy: My mother-in-law was just diagnosed with cancer. She probably has a year to live. Her youngest son (my husband's brother) and she had some sort of falling-out, and he has not contacted her in almost a year, despite her many attempts.
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