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Grandparents explode over pot paraphernalia

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear Amy: I am the father of three kids, all boys ranging in age from 11 to 17.

The two oldest boys share a room in our unattached guesthouse, my youngest son's room is in the main house.

Recently, my in-laws came to stay with us for a week. We moved them to the guesthouse. While the boys were not thrilled, they reluctantly cleaned up and relocated for the week.

When I woke up the first morning, both of my in-laws were already arguing in the kitchen. My mother-in-law proceeded to show me a marijuana pipe, rolling papers and a lighter that had been hidden under the sink in the guesthouse.

I told her that I would deal with it, and asked her not to say anything to the boys herself. She was furious that I would not address it immediately, and told me that she was "disappointed" in my parenting.

My mother-in-law then told my wife, who immediately scolded the two boys in front of the rest of the family, took away all of their privileges and phones, grounded them and then made them apologize to their grandparents several times. I feel that my wife overreacted to please her mother.

 

Both boys were silent, sullen and refused to engage with the rest of the family for the rest of the week.

My mother-in-law told me that their trip was "horrible" and a "waste" because her grandchildren wouldn't talk to her. Ever since, she has bombarded my wife with comments about how "weak" I am, and how I'm a "useless father." I firmly believe she wanted me to get physical with my sons as a punishment.

Was I wrong in my approach? How can I get her to understand that I don't need to explode in anger to be effective?

-- Grounded Dad

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