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Elderly mother's friend pressures her to donate money

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear Amy: My husband and I manage my mother's finances. She's 88 years old. After my father died a decade ago, she began to donate to dozens of charities, beyond what she could afford. Anyone that solicited her typically got a donation. In some cases, there were recurring donations coming from her checking account that she didn't even remember setting up in the first place.

We had her select the charity that mattered the most to her, and shut off all other donations.

Her neighbor of 30 years, "Mary," is an aggressive fundraiser for her church social group. My mother was always Mary's first stop when she was looking for donations. One of the largest recurring donations from my mother's checking account was for Mary's church group.

Mary had always been very sweet, and helped my mother with small errands and did little things around the house for her. We always thanked her, and always made sure she knew how much we appreciated her help with the occasional gift or bottle of wine.

Mary called me furious that the recurring donation had been shut off. She said that she would no longer help my mother, because we were so "ungrateful." She seemed to view the donations as payment for her helping out. We told her that our mother picked the charity of her choice, and it was not personal.

Mary told my mother that she could no longer see her, and made my mother very upset. Mom viewed her as a friend and companion, so she was heartbroken when Mary did not come over anymore.

 

My husband recently discovered that my mother has been giving Mary cash from her monthly allowance. Mary is once again coming over to help out.

This situation does not sit right with me at all, but I'm not sure what I can do.

What do you think?

-- Worried

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