Partner's sister insists on family exclusion
Dear Amy: I have a wonderful partner. We have been together for three years, own a beautiful home and have a baby on the way.
My guy's sister, "Marcia," is a perpetual victim. She is always suffering from one perceived slight or another. The world is always out to get her. And she is never at fault.
Over a year ago, I made the mistake of asking her, very nicely (and privately), to stop pestering my boyfriend over a particular issue. I was kind and empathetic.
It went poorly. Now, I am a terrible person. She's told other people in their family that I am the worst person in the world. She won't talk to me, and will not attend any family event that I am invited to. This has put others in the position of having to choose between the two of us.
This has caused tremendous issues, especially over holidays.
I am not related by blood, so I defer. My partner supports me, and would very willingly stay home with me, or make other plans, in place of spending time with his sister. But I feel bad, because this is his family, and I feel like I'm keeping him away from family events.
A few months ago, I sent her a note asking if we could put this behind us. There has been no response.
How do I handle this going forward? I would like to have some unity here, especially with a baby (the first in the family) on the way. I understand that she will never change, but is there any way I can promote some peace, at least?
-- No Sisterly Love
Dear No Love: You are not keeping your guy away from family events -- his sister is. I'm not sure why you feel bad about this when your partner doesn't, but your bad feelings (and others') will enable this exclusionary behavior.
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