Mother should not sanction teen 'keggers'
Dear Readers: This week I am running topical "Best Of" columns while I'm on book tour, meeting readers of my memoir, "Strangers Tend to Tell Me Things," which is now out in paperback. I'll be back next week with more answers and advice directed toward a fresh batch of dilemmas. Today's topic is parenting.
Dear Amy: I am the mother of a 15-year-old daughter. She's a freshman at a prestigious private school. She has great grades and generally makes very good choices. I have never heard anything from her about trying drugs or alcohol, but the other day she asked me if it was "cool with me" that she attended a kegger every once in a while.
I am torn because since she chose to go from public to private school, she sees these keggers as a social event (and nothing else). I want her to have fun in high school like I did, but I also don't know if it is right to accept underage drinking. What should I do?
-- Distraught Mom
Dear Distraught: Really -- you are torn about whether to give your 15-year-old daughter permission to attend keg parties?
Let me spell it out. Drinking puts your daughter at risk for the following: personal or vehicle injury, sexual activity, sexual assault, pregnancy, arrest, and -- equally as devastating as some of these things -- the sort of mistake-making that can kill a person's reputation with one click of a smartphone's camera. At her age, being sober but around other drunken teens would be equally risky for her.
You don't say to her, "Well, I had fun in high school and I know how important it is to get wasted with your friends, so I'm torn about it." You say: "Absolutely not. I am definitely not cool with it." And then you talk about choices -- healthy and unhealthy ones.
You should appeal to her to be someone who faces these choices with integrity. And you should also tell her that if you learn she has been drinking -- or around drinking -- there will be certain unpleasant consequences for her, coming from you -- the "uncool" mom. -- September 2015
Dear Amy: Our child, a 26-year-old son, lives at home. He works part time and can afford gas, car insurance and outings with his friends. We pay for all his other expenses.
He sleeps until 11 a.m., when I knock on his door to wake him. He claims to have issues sleeping at night and says he can't get going in the morning, but his dad and I feel he will ruin his life if he does not start living during the daytime.
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