Teen's mother is tired of being 'that' mom
Dear Amy: My teen daughter is lovely. She has a group of friends who seem lovely, as well, with one problem. My daughter is the one who plans and invites the group to movies, skating, over to our home, etc. She does the calling and arranging and it is extremely rare that she receives a reciprocal invitation. This has been going on for years.
My response is that she should stop the planning/inviting. She thinks someday things will turn around. But like I said it's been years. I am the mom to pick them up/drop them off, etc. I ask if others can contribute, and am given excuses as to why the other parents cannot.
Any advice? I just want some reciprocation.
-- Tired Mom
Dear Tired: Many teenage friend groups have a dynamic similar to your daughter's, where one individual is basically the social engine the group runs on. Please understand that your daughter is both skilled and lucky. Many teens do not have the social confidence, ability or parental participation to successfully plan anything. You're the mom who is available -- and tolerated. You're THAT mom, and your house is THAT house -- the house where kids feel comfortable.
Unless your daughter feels ignored, discounted or dominated by this friend group she is providing for, I hope you will continue to participate. This life-phase is so short. Those times playing chauffer are when you as a parent get a very rare glimpse into the sometimes mysterious social life of your teen.
Contact other parents directly -- not through their kids -- and ask them to do some driving. Also, if these teens are old enough to go on outings alone, then they are old enough to catch a bus. If you are lucky enough to live in an area with public transportation, they should be using it.
Dear Amy: Two years ago, when my (male) cousin was engaged, I attended his fiancée's bridal shower. The shower was lovely and the bride's registry was extravagant (to say the least). Nonetheless, I gave a generous gift and attended happily.
A few months later I went to their wedding. My husband and I gave a thoughtful gift.
Months went by and no one received a thank you for either event!
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