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Health & Spirit

Woman's crush on coach has shades of grey

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

What you are experiencing now is partly what has made the "50 Shades" books and movies such a phenomenon among women, which is using a fantasy to spark a renewed and refreshed real-life and sexy connection with the person you love. I don't see any difference between fantasizing about Christian Grey (or any ripple-chested attraction from a romance novel) and the soccer coach across a field.

I'm taking your terminology ("crushing") at face value. A great crush will give you a wonderful boost, while relieving you of the complication and guilt of an actual involvement. A not-so-great crush can crush your other relationships.

Crush on this young coach from a distance, and keep it that way.

Furthermore, I hope you will relax your standards concerning your husband's possible fantasies. Sex and love spring from different motivations. Show your love and passion abundantly and without reservation, and feel free to keep your fantasies to yourself.

Dear Amy: Way back in 1983, I was completely devastated after a breakup with a man I deeply loved. I had a nervous breakdown and had to be hospitalized for several days.

On the day I thought he would propose he broke up with me, saying he realized he had been using me on the rebound from a previous relationship.

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Three weeks ago, this same man approached me in the airport and asked me if I was so-and-so.

He was smiling and acted happy to have run into me again after all these years.

Amy, I could feel my insides falling apart all over again. I thought I was going to start crying right there in the airport.

I told him he was mistaken and he moved on, but I'm sure he knew I was lying to him.

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