Life Advice


Health & Spirit

Woman wants ring to become virginity protector

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Except wait -- the judgment is bubbling up and, like you, it is driving me crazy and I cannot leave it alone.

A "promise ring" sends such backward messages to a girl -- it says that she can't be trusted to make choices concerning her own body, so that her father basically holds her virginity until another man comes along to take it. Promise rings don't work. Education and empowerment do work.

When it comes to this heirloom ring, you gave it to someone. You didn't ask her if she wanted it or if she would wear it. You gave it to her, and now you are trying to attach strings to the gift.

Your relationship with your daughter-in-law is already so poor that you have nothing to lose by simply asking her if she would be willing to pass this ring along to your granddaughter (her niece). Otherwise, you might follow in your grandfather's footsteps and give a special stone to a special grandchild, and renew the tradition.

Dear Amy: A wedding invitation we received has this footnote: "Your joining us on our special day is a gift in itself -- please don't worry about wedding gifts."

Amy, what does this mean? If the couple really did not want guests to bring wedding presents, they could have said "please do not bring any presents" or "no wedding presents, please."

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Does this vague language mean that gifts are optional? We'd be embarrassed to bring a gift and find we were the only guests to do so -- or vice versa -- to not bring a gift and find we were the only guests arriving empty-handed.

What should we do?

-- Flummoxed

Dear Flummoxed: This is not really all that vague. "Please don't worry about wedding gifts" means "please attend our wedding without worrying about bringing a gift." Some people will bring a gift, some people won't. The couple is telling you that they're not keeping score.


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