ArcaMax

Dear Mixed-Up: I've received many questions regarding results of DNA testing, and while many people report positive reactions, even when the news is unexpected, there is no question that results like yours can pull a person into a tailspin.

Give yourself some time to process this.

I understand that this news upends your own ideas of who you are, but I'd like to offer you an alternative view: You are who you've always thought you were. Your family is your family. The father who raised and doted on you was your "real" father. Understand that it is possible that he knew you were not his biological child, whereupon he would have made the choice countless parents have made through time -- to claim you and to love you. It's really pretty simple.

DNA results may answer some questions you didn't even know you had regarding your hair color or health history. But don't let a DNA test kit tell you who you are and who your family is. YOU get to decide that.

I'm going to repeat the wisdom of DNA expert Richard Hill, whom I interviewed recently: "Knowing the truth is better in the long run. Events that happened decades ago are merely history and not scandal (especially true when the parents are deceased). No matter what anyone thinks of the actions of the parents, the siblings have done nothing wrong."

I urge you to own this, claim it and disclose it if you want to. I think it would help you to talk about it, and I hope you will.

Dear Amy: My nephew and his fiancee are planning their wedding. We all live in the Midwest, and their wedding and reception is going to be in the Southwest.

Because of the cost of airfare to get there, and the cost of the room during our stay, should that affect my cash gift?

-- Stumped in Chicago

Dear Stumped: You should not feel obligated to give a cash gift. Some very meaningful gifts (such as family heirlooms) are those that don't cost a lot of money.

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