Life Advice

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Health & Spirit

Boyfriend wants to leave it in Vegas

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

I know that when I confront him about him being a lazy user, I should have a place ready to move to because I do not want to be around him after that inevitably heated argument.

What do you think I should do?

-- Furious

Dear Furious: The way you present this narrative, your brother is a dominating bully. I can imagine why you are so eager to get out from under this shared roof.

You need to understand that your constant presence and willingness to take on every domestic burden is not only a reflection of your own suppression, but you have become part of the problem by enabling your brother to shirk his own responsibilities.

Without you to handle everything regarding his ex-wife and children, for instance, he might have to find a way to communicate with them. Without you laundering his clothes and cooking for him, he would have to figure out how to take care of himself.

I agree that you should find another place to live before confronting him. As you plan your move, you could quietly stop doing some of these domestic chores for him. And by all means, do not further commit yourself to a financial entanglement with him. If he runs out of clean clothes, tell him, "If you want to wash your clothes, I'll show you how. Otherwise, you're on your own. I'm not doing it anymore."

Dear Amy: "Crowded" described her boyfriend's friend moving in -- lock, stock and barrel -- to the home she co-owned with her boyfriend.

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Thank you for encouraging Crowded to use her own voice to express her very reasonable problems with this arrangement.

I couldn't believe she was worried about being "nice" enough!

-- Not Always Nice

Dear Not Always: The desire to be "nice" hampers much honest discourse.

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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Amy Dickinson, c/o Tribune Content Agency, 16650 Westgrove Drive, Suite 175, Addison, Texas, 75001. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)


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