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Health & Spirit

Out-of-wedlock pregnancy leads to family secret

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

I can't fully agree with your choice to withhold your son from his paternal family members, but given the father's wholesale rejection, I understand why you made this particular choice (and your son's grandmother could have sought him out, but didn't). This falls into the category of: You did what you knew to do. Now that you know better, you might do better.

Dear Amy: My name is "Emma," and I'm 23 years old. I've been friends with a wonderful woman, "H," since my high school years. H is a couple of years older than me.

I subsequently introduced her to a friend of mine, "D." I've known D since childhood, and the two women hit it off and became very good friends.

When H announced her engagement to her girlfriend, everybody was excited. H subsequently asked me to be a bridesmaid, and I was very excited and immediately accepted. However, I was shocked when H asked D to perform the wedding ceremony.

I'm not about to tell H how to plan her wedding, or ask D to back out of her acceptance. But I can't shake the feeling of annoyance that D was asked to do something so intimate, when I was the one who met H first, and H wouldn't have met D without me as the connection.

I'm wondering how to approach the situation without sounding like a terrible friend.

-- At A Loss

Dear At A Loss: The way to approach this is to be aware that H and her fiancee have the right to adorn temporary clergy hood upon anyone they choose. One (unfortunate) aspect of the ease of attaining "clergy" status is that anyone can do it, and this becomes yet one more way to create friendship distinctions during a wedding celebration.

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If you choose to participate in this wedding, your job is to accept this bridal choice, and keep your questions and objections to yourself. You are being honored with the distinction of standing with your friend during her nuptials. So -- do that.

Dear Amy: "Torn" had engaged in an emotional affair. Now her affair partner wanted occasional meetings to "normalize" their friendship. The rationale is that they won't now romanticize their relationship.

I completely agree with your take on this. This is a rationalization for seeing one another, and they won't recover from this affair until they end their relationship.

-- Been There

Dear Been There: Thank you.

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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Amy Dickinson, c/o Tribune Content Agency, 16650 Westgrove Drive, Suite 175, Addison, Texas, 75001. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)

 

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