Life Advice


Health & Spirit

Musician still suffers from long-ago rejection

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Perhaps you're still angry about this because you're mad at yourself for letting this stop you, musically. But you literally have nothing to lose -- and much to gain -- if you communicated with Keith now. Ideally you would say honestly that this did hurt you and that you've been ruminating about it for years. I hope you would also gain some perspective and choose to see this as a youthful mistake -- we all make them.

Pick up those instruments. Start a geezer band in your garage.

Dear Amy: I have been married for 10 years. About two years ago I had an emotional affair with a coworker. It was never physical. The affair ended when I realized I wanted to stay with my family.

My husband and I have three kids and I didn't want them to have divorced parents the way I did.

I still feel as if I am not "in love" with my husband. Sometimes I just feel so conflicted because I want an intact family unit, but I just don't have this fire or passion for my husband, regardless of what I do to try and help the marriage out. The thing is I am so scared to jump either way because he's a great man and father. I don't want to do to my kids what my parents did to me.

Our home is actually happy and peaceful. I just feel as if we are only "friends."

What can I do?

-- Worried

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Dear Worried: I respect the groundbreaking research of John Gottman, who has studied married couples for decades. In his book, "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" (2015, Harmony), he and co-author Nan Silver outline practices that successfully married people undertake to keep their marriages strong. Your fondness and respect for your husband gets you part-way there.

Understand that many parents of three young children stop communicating meaningfully. You don't mention your husband's fire or passion, relative to yours, but you two can recover through a deliberate practice of connection. Read Gottman's book together as the first step of deepening your intimacy.

Dear Amy: I can't believe you actually suggested that an unimmunized baby should be in the presence of an unimmunized toddler at a holiday gathering. This is frankly dangerous.

-- Appalled

Dear Appalled: Many readers felt that I (and the pediatrician I quoted in my answer) downplayed the risk to the unimmunized baby. My answer was (I thought) a forceful and logical argument FOR immunization.


(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: Readers may send postal mail to Amy Dickinson, c/o Tribune Content Agency, 16650 Westgrove Drive, Suite 175, Addison, Texas, 75001. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)


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