Musician still suffers from long-ago rejection
Perhaps you're still angry about this because you're mad at yourself for letting this stop you, musically. But you literally have nothing to lose -- and much to gain -- if you communicated with Keith now. Ideally you would say honestly that this did hurt you and that you've been ruminating about it for years. I hope you would also gain some perspective and choose to see this as a youthful mistake -- we all make them.
Pick up those instruments. Start a geezer band in your garage.
Dear Amy: I have been married for 10 years. About two years ago I had an emotional affair with a coworker. It was never physical. The affair ended when I realized I wanted to stay with my family.
My husband and I have three kids and I didn't want them to have divorced parents the way I did.
I still feel as if I am not "in love" with my husband. Sometimes I just feel so conflicted because I want an intact family unit, but I just don't have this fire or passion for my husband, regardless of what I do to try and help the marriage out. The thing is I am so scared to jump either way because he's a great man and father. I don't want to do to my kids what my parents did to me.
Our home is actually happy and peaceful. I just feel as if we are only "friends."
What can I do?
-- Worried
Dear Worried: I respect the groundbreaking research of John Gottman, who has studied married couples for decades. In his book, "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" (2015, Harmony), he and co-author Nan Silver outline practices that successfully married people undertake to keep their marriages strong. Your fondness and respect for your husband gets you part-way there.
Understand that many parents of three young children stop communicating meaningfully. You don't mention your husband's fire or passion, relative to yours, but you two can recover through a deliberate practice of connection. Read Gottman's book together as the first step of deepening your intimacy.
Dear Amy: I can't believe you actually suggested that an unimmunized baby should be in the presence of an unimmunized toddler at a holiday gathering. This is frankly dangerous.
-- Appalled
Dear Appalled: Many readers felt that I (and the pediatrician I quoted in my answer) downplayed the risk to the unimmunized baby. My answer was (I thought) a forceful and logical argument FOR immunization.
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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Amy Dickinson, c/o Tribune Content Agency, 16650 Westgrove Drive, Suite 175, Addison, Texas, 75001. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)
