ArcaMax

All the same, I agree (with you) that you should not lie to your kids. First of all, I assure you that they already know what you are doing out in the garage. Adolescents have an incredible Spidey sense for what their parents are up to, and they look at a parent's choice to lie for clues about how to conduct themselves when they are doing something risky.

Your behavior is a legal adult activity, and I suggest that you leave the garage and perhaps step onto the porch to smoke, and face the music head on. (Obviously, you don't want to expose your children to second-hand smoke.) Your kids may beg you to stop, much as I begged my father to stop chain-smoking Camels when I was a kid (he didn't stop).

Parents who drink alcohol often do so in front of their children, with the understanding and reinforcement that this is adult behavior.

You and your wife should continue to talk about this. What are you like after you've smoked? Are you loopy or checked out? She may not enjoy "high Dad" as much as you think she should.

Ideally, you and your wife would be on the same page, but I also think it's OK if you and she are transparent about the fact that you choose to do this, but she doesn't necessarily like it when you do.

Dear Amy: How do I tactfully tell a gal I work with (in a very small office) to stop bragging about her "happy" check (i.e.: alimony), and the large sum she got in a lump sum pay-off of child support?

I'm living literally paycheck to paycheck, and every time she brags about something she bought, I feel the anger just boil up inside me.

I don't begrudge her the financial windfall, but I don't want to hear about it seven times a day! She is quite aware of my lack of money, so why must she go on and on about her luck?

I feel like if I say anything, she's going to get all defensive and make it really uncomfortable to be in the same office.

-- Over the Bragger

...continued