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Teacher's death triggered abuse accusation

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

You should ask the fellow classmate who reached out to you for guidance regarding this memorial: Would she be comfortable if others included him in the memorial to other teachers?

I shared your question with a spokesperson at The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN.org), who responds: "It's important to respect every survivor's privacy. Instead of telling your committee about your classmate's allegations, offer an alternative suggestion, like explicitly honoring the deceased students, not the faculty, and then offering a moment of silence for beloved teachers, without naming names."

Dear Amy: I am an attractive, single, well-educated woman.

Recently, "Steve," whom I dated (for two years) decades ago, contacted me. We had not seen each other for 30 years. We have been getting along very well and communicating daily. We live on opposite coasts of the country, but plan to get together soon.

Steve tells me that he loves me and wants us to be together. I love him, too.

However, Steve continually talks about his past lovers, and still keeps in touch with some of them. I usually say nothing. However, he referred to one of his past lovers as: "The one I was most serious about -- after you moved away." It really hurt my feelings and made me feel like I meant nothing to him (even though he dated her after I moved).

 

I calmly tried to explain to him that his comment about him being the "most serious about her" made me feel bad. He said, "Do I have to be walking on eggshells from now on?"

I feel bad about all of this. I realize that this is MY problem, but how am I supposed to handle his constant comments about his past lovers?

I really doubt that he would be thrilled if I said something like, "Remember Hank? He was the one that I was the most serious about after you."

-- Too Much Information

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