ArcaMax

Dear Amy: My wife has a phobia of interacting with my family (parents, siblings, etc.). She has always been this way, and it's to the point where it is affecting my family and my marriage.

What's most disturbing is the fact that we only visit them maybe once a month, for gatherings, backyard barbecues and family dinners.

Every single time, my wife and I get into an argument. She is all like, "Do we have to go? How long are we staying? I only want to be there for a short amount of time, or I just want to stay home."

My family members are not perfect people, but whose family is? Every family has their faults and disagreements.

I am stressed about this to the point of questioning my marriage. I only want my wife and my two daughters to visit my family on a normal and regular basis without my wife and me arguing about it.

What can we do?

-- Upset Husband

Dear Upset: You don't provide details, but look at the situation from this perspective: If you had to have a root canal once a month, would you embrace it?

Your wife, for whatever reason, equates being with your family to a trip to the oral surgeon. If your family collectively bullies or rejects her, then she is not going to want to hang out with them. If they regularly fight with one another in front of her, she is not going to look forward to visiting with them. Your refusal to see any of this from her perspective and to label her reluctance a "phobia" might be an important factor.

No spouse should force another to spend excessive time with their family of birth. This should be negotiable. If you want to take the kids to see your family, you should. Your wife might agree to accompany you half the time. Wouldn't this compromise both eliminate her anxiety and satisfy your need?

If possible, she should have an "escape hatch" so that she can exit quietly without forcing you and the kids to leave on her timetable. And you should accept her choice to limit interactions without fighting about it.

Dear Amy: Poor, foolish "Worried" was in a "friends with benefits" relationship with a guy who had fathered babies with two different women (born days apart). Worried was concerned about his Facebook status.

Amen for your answer, Amy! Thank you for writing, "... this whole situation is unfortunate -- because Rome is burning and you're worried about your Facebook status."

-- Big Fan

Dear Fan: Some answers write themselves.

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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Amy Dickinson, c/o Tribune Content Agency, 16650 Westgrove Drive, Suite 175, Addison, Texas, 75001. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)