Life Advice

/

Health

Husband's death brings grief and disappointment

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

I'm not sure why a pregnancy would keep your local sister away from you during this tragic period, or why no family members could come to be with you for a memorial service that was planned well in advance. Some people have no conception of how vital their presence is, until you tell them. Learning that you needed and wanted them might clarify their role in your life.

Your feelings are valid. You should express yourself. What you shouldn't do is attach any particular expectation to how they might react, or necessarily expect them to behave differently.

Dear Amy: I am a college sophomore. I recently ended a friendship with a girl I used to be close to. We have many mutual friends.

After having a realization that she hadn't been treating me well for the entirety of our relationship, "Mary" and I had a long discussion that I hoped would settle our differences, but instead it turned into a heated discussion that left me in tears for days. She said I was the worst person she had ever met and vowed to talk about me behind my back to our friends so that they would realize how worthless I am.

I wrote a long letter (six pages typed) to Mary detailing how terrible her words made me feel and reiterated the problems that I had with her behavior. I feel that I need some sort of closure with her.

Thankfully, our mutual friends haven't abandoned me. I know that I should leave well enough alone and not send this letter, but I am still hurt and angry.

I really want to send this letter. What do you think?

-- Hurt

 

Dear Hurt: Don't give fuel to a bully. Understand that "Mary" could take your heartfelt letter, show it to people, post it on social media, distort it and then use it to bully you. Don't send it.

There is a saying: "Living well is the best revenge." You will get "closure" by being strong, kind, reliable and basically being the best version of you. Seal this letter in an envelope and put it in your desk.

Dear Amy: "Trying to be Kind" was trying to figure out how to financially help her cleaning lady, who would be short of cash when any emergency arose. Thank you for suggesting that Trying should budget a dollar amount per year toward this assistance. Many people are hurting, and a little bit can go a long way.

-- Been There

Dear Been There: "Trying" was already being kind, and all I did was to encourage her to continue.

========

(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Amy Dickinson, c/o Tribune Content Agency, 16650 Westgrove Drive, Suite 175, Addison, Texas, 75001. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)


 

 

Comics

The Pajama Diaries Rhymes with Orange Red and Rover The Argyle Sweater Tom Stiglich Scary Gary