Future in-laws want their fair share of holidays
This young woman's parents' divorce is not her fault or responsibility, but she has needs, and she is going to have to fulfil them, regardless of what you think about it. So "giving in" (or not) should be off the table for you.
If her mother lives within driving distance, perhaps you could invite her to join you during "your" years -- and you could start a new tradition with new family members. But then, of course, you would have to welcome a divorced woman into your home, and share these young people with her.
If you love this young person, the best gift you could give to her would be to let her do what she needs to do over the holidays, without comment or complaint, or even a pained look on your face.
Life does not evenly distribute its hardship and joys, and so you should stop keeping score.
Dear Amy: After eight years as a divorced father, I found a wonderful partner who has moved in with me.
It has been great! We are engaged and will get married in a few months.
I also have a 16-year-old daughter, "Emma," who decided to move in with us full time after a few dust-ups with her mother.
It is great that she is here, and she is happier now. But now, with the excitement of a relatively new relationship, my gal and I are having a hard time finding "alone time" with my daughter here.
It is almost like I have to give Emma some money and the car keys, and then hope the mood at home turns romantic instantaneously.
We tried this once and Emma came home a bit too early and interrupted an "event."
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