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In my family of (many) women, we have gradually stopped giving gifts for these occasions, and exchange cards instead. This practice started gradually, and now is a treasured aspect of our birthday lunches. The person being honored goes home with a stack of cards -- some homemade, and some from the drugstore rack -- and it is awesome.

It is time for you to be brave enough to trust these lifelong friends. What they are telling you is that your friendship is the gift they want to receive. If you give a card, it might inspire your friends to also make a transition away from material giving, but it is important that you respect their choices, too, and receive their generosity with grace and gratitude.

Dear Amy: I am responding to a recent letter in your column from a woman signed "Helpless Monster-in-Law."

She reported how her mother-in-law engaged in "drunk fighting" with her son (Helpless' husband) during visits.

Like Helpless, I had a mother-in-law who became argumentative when she drank. One evening after particularly mean treatment from her, I decided that I was not going to expose my kids to that behavior.

The next time she was scheduled to visit our home, I packed an overnight case for my girls and me. I told my husband that the instant she began to become abusive or talk disrespectfully about family or friends, I was going to take my girls and leave for a hotel.

I don't know what my husband said to her, but her bullying behavior stopped.

The mother-in-law will not change. It is up to the husband to set the boundaries (not engage in a fight) with his mom.

The couple might benefit from couples counseling on how to present a calm and united front to the mom.

-- Been There

Dear Been There: Thank you for providing your perspective, based on your own tough experience and lesson learned.

Only a fool argues with a drunk. Your response, which was clear, calm and protective -- was the appropriate way to cope with this toxic pattern.

I love it that you presented your nonnegotiable in such a proactive fashion.

Family members of addicts often have trouble setting boundaries, partly because the impaired person often leaps over boundaries in unexpected ways. "Friends and family" support groups such as Al-anon are useful for the same reason your response is: support group participants will demonstrate through personal experience how to stop trying to control the other person, while maintaining control over their own response.

Dear Readers: My own life is probably a lot like yours. I've experienced poverty, prosperity, marriage, divorce, remarriage, step-parenting, caretaking, loss and grief. If you've ever been curious about the life behind the advice column, I hope you'll consider picking up my memoir, "Strangers Tend to Tell Me Things: A Memoir of Love, Loss, and Coming Home." (2017, Hachette).

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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Amy Dickinson, c/o Tribune Content Agency, 16650 Westgrove Drive, Suite 175, Addison, Texas, 75001. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)