Life Advice


Health & Spirit

Is forgiveness possible when someone continues to hurt?

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

You don't. A consequence of someone willfully hurting you is that your meaningful relationship is going to take a hit.

It is natural to avoid someone who hurts and repulses you. In some contexts, avoidance is also the smartest thing to do.

One path to healing is to work on loving yourself more. The stronger you are, and the better you feel about yourself, the easier it will be to release the pain this person has caused you.

You should table forgiveness for now, and work on acceptance -- of the other person's flawed humanity, and the fact that you cannot change them. Once you truly accept this, you will be able to release your own anger. Forgiveness should follow.

Dear Amy: I'm in my 40s, and my guy and I decided to get married.

We invited more than 100 family and friends (including spouses and children). About 25 of our invitees responded either that they couldn't come, or they didn't respond at all. Only two of these people sent a gift (a check).

I am shocked. I have been to so many graduations, birthdays and weddings over the years and always thought that if I received an invitation, that meant I should send or bring a gift.

Did I miss the memo where people are just deciding not to send wedding gifts?

A similar thing happened with my bridal shower. A portion either didn't RSVP, or they said they couldn't come, and still didn't send a gift or a card.

I don't think I am a greedy person and we don't necessarily need everyone to send us money, but I have always sent gifts to these friends and family members in the past and, in my head, I think weddings are the ultimate celebration. Aren't they happy for our union?


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