Big box shopper has a very bad day
-- Left in the Dust
Dear Left: You view this cold shoulder from your grandmother as evidence that you are not being loved. I hope you can see the distinction between not feeling loved and not being loved.
You have already noted that she is completely entwined with your father. Given her limitations and the level of her enabling of her adult son, imagine -- what choice does she have?
Your family seems to operate on a wave length where much is implied, but little is verbally expressed. You might be able to shift this dynamic by expressing yourself, judiciously, honestly, and with emotion.
Because relationships in your family are so epically challenged right now, you should be brave enough to reach out to your grandmother, and ask for her patience and attention. Understand that she is loyal to her son. Don't ask her to advocate for you. Tell her that you miss her and that you hope you and the kids will be able to spend time with her.
Tell her, "I know that things are rough right now with Dad and me, but I hope we can stay close to you while I try to work on things."
Dear Amy: More response to "Non-Hugger." I am an enthusiastic hugger, and I was in my early 20s -- and had literally knocked someone down -- before I learned to back off and ask permission before hugging someone.
But I did learn, and I have had people thank me for asking before diving at them with open arms.
Dear Christina: Well done.
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