ArcaMax

You should contact everyone on both sides of your family in (perhaps) a group email, and express your gratitude for their generosity. Tell them that this year you are going to try to cut down on the abundance of material gifts. Say, "We'd be happy to offer suggestions for alternatives, such as memberships to our local museum or extracurriculars for the kids. It also might be fun for them to receive 'coupons' for experiences from you, which they could cash in throughout the year. We certainly don't want to dictate your choices, but thought we would share this idea with you."

Dear Amy: I am not generally the kind of person to seek outside help like a therapist, but I love my wife dearly and we are struggling. After initial hesitancy, my wife, "Dahlia," has agreed to attend marriage counseling together.

Dahlia has seen therapists individually in the past, with varying degrees of satisfaction.

One of the specialists in the area is someone Dahlia has seen individually and was pleased with.

I see the benefits of having a counselor who has some background into our situation already and that I know has the right chemistry with my wife.

But I also wonder if having heard only one side and having built a relationship with Dahlia and not me makes this therapist an unwise choice for us.

Can you help guide us? What are your thoughts?

-- Wondering Husband

Dear Husband: I would counsel against seeing the same therapist your wife already has a relationship with. One reason is that marital therapy should be future focused, while individual therapy is often rooted in the functions and dynamics of the family of origin.

While I'm certain that many individual therapists are competent couples counselors, these seem to be two distinct skill sets.

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