Wife disappoints family with transcontinental birthday
Dear Amy: My son and daughter-in-law seem to have a lovely relationship. They are on the same page in regard to child-rearing, values, etc. However, I feel that my son shoulders more than his share of the relationship. I always thought this was a mutually accepted situation.
Recently my daughter-in-law turned 40. She chose to spend this special day with her friends in NYC (they live in LA).
My son and grandchildren were very sad about her choice.
My question: It breaks my heart to see my son hurting in this way. He's such a good person.
I want him to feel supported by us, but I don't want to stick my nose in where it isn't wanted.
My question: Should I just stay out of it or is there something constructive to say?
-- Upset Mother
Dear Upset: I'm not sure what you mean when you say that your son shoulders more than his share of the relationship, but yes, it is wisest for you to stay out of this.
You don't mention your own marital history, but in many functioning marriages, power and responsibility shifts back and forth, based on whatever life stage the couple and their children are in.
I would also say that a spouse who decides to celebrate a milestone birthday literally a continent away from her family is making an unfortunate statement about where she really wants to be (at least on that particular day), but I can also imagine many situations where that choice would be absolutely fine with everyone.
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