Mom can help lovesick teen become Wonder Woman
Dear Amy: I have a lovely daughter who just turned 13. She's happy, smart, kind and caring. During the last school year (seventh grade) she asked if she could date a boy. At first I said "no." Then she insisted that it would only be a simple silly "kid dating" thing, and I then allowed it. Fast-forward to six months later, and things have changed.
Over the summer break this boy has done what many kids of this age might do -- play video games and sleep.
He's made little effort to see her, which is fine by me. But when she gets in touch with him, he tells her all the things a girl loves to hear and then goes back to doing the same things.
She's smitten and committed to their relationship. But she's also sad, which breaks my heart.
As a mother I want to tell her to run. I want to pull the parent card and tell her she CAN'T date anymore, but I also know that this is the fastest way to send her 100 percent to the opposite direction.
How can I stop her from heading into this doormat-style career of dating?
-- Heartbroken Mom
Dear Heartbroken: Your daughter is adopting the cultural relationship tropes she sees around her -- the concepts of dating, emotional (and probably some physical) intimacy, and exclusivity.
The only hitch is that Cary Grant is dead, George Clooney is too old, and your daughter is stuck "dating" a 13-year-old boy. From your description, this boy is simply being himself, doing what he feels like doing, and quite oblivious to the impact on her. Plus, if he wanted to see her, he would.
Her current behavior does not consign her to life as a doormat. But you should gently lead her toward her own power, not in relation to boys, but in relation to herself.
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