ArcaMax

Dear Amy: Our 25-year-old daughter was a strong, compassionate, emphatic, loving person until her upcoming wedding turned her into a self-centered brat.

We gladly gave her some money to offset wedding expenses, and then things went haywire.

She has told everyone the cost of her wedding is $350/plate, and expects either cash, or a gift equal in value.

I am beyond appalled, but she claims this is quite acceptable to her generation. I told her that rude is rude, no matter what.

She has also refused to give the clergy an honorarium, saying that performing this wedding is part of his job. Our relatives are rather astonished, but I have told everyone to speak directly to her about their concerns.

This mess is her responsibility to clean up. She is marrying a lovely man who is a kind and gentle soul, and defers to her. I'm concerned that what should be a happy celebration has turned into an entitled gift grab, and my daughter just wasn't raised that way.

I'm wondering what we did to have a wonderful young woman change like this. We are going into this wedding with heavy hearts instead of joy. Is there anything we can do? What are we missing here? Is this entitlement really accepted now?

-- Sad Parents

Dear Sad: As the parent of several young women, I am sad for you. I also want you to know that almost every parent can report being disappointed by their children, sometimes in very large ways. It is a specific sort of sadness to think that the values and character lessons you've tried to impart seem to have somehow fallen by the wayside.

Your reaction to your daughter's rudeness and selfishness is completely appropriate.

...continued