Does shared custody require honest sharing?
Dear Amy: I have a 4-year-old daughter. Her father and I separated when she was a baby. We share custody.
He has a long history of being hostile to me, including threats and insulting emails/texts, yelling for hours over actions I never did, not helping with chores or bills, etc.
Things between us have only moderately improved in the last four months.
I acknowledge that while he can be a jerk to me, he is caring and affectionate with our daughter.
When he comes over to pick her up, he waits outside.
Last week she asked, "Why doesn't he come inside?"
I provided a one-sentence factual answer with age-appropriate vocabulary: "Because he was mean to me and the cat."
I have never given her details of the hurtful words and actions I endured. Later, she repeated the phrase to him and he sent me texts/emails demanding answers.
I want them to have a healthy parent-child relationship, and I do not want to cause drama or problems for her. Typically, I do not talk about her father in front of her. But as she ages, how do I answer her questions about him or our past together?
While I am willing to keep the past in the past, I do not want to lie or pretend these hardships never existed.
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