Man doesn't like woman, but wants to cohabit
Dear Amy: I have been with my girlfriend for two years and we plan on moving in together in the next few months. We are both in our late 20s.
She has made it clear to me that she wants to get married and have children. However, I cannot imagine raising children with her, due to a variety of factors, namely her inability to control her anger.
She defines herself as a person who feels emotions very strongly. On the contrary, I am more reserved with my emotions and how I share them.
As per her requests, I have been more forthcoming in expressing my emotions with her. Unfortunately, upon my request, she does not control her own emotions.
She can be very sweet and loving toward me, but then the slightest discomfort or disagreement can cause her mood to change instantly, bursting into tears or screams.
When she is in this volatile state, she unreasonably refuses compromise or discussion. It is akin to a tantrum. My default is discussing the issue like adults, and her behavior puts me in no mood to comfort her. She wants me to hug and coddle her.
There are only so many times I can do this before feeling like it is a temporary fix for a deeper issue. Additionally, it doesn't prevent future fights, and makes me feel like I am parenting a child.
The worst part is that when I gently tell her that she needs to control her emotions she is defiant and makes excuses for herself. If I suggest that she should seek help if she is unable to control her emotions, she becomes agitated. Already our values differ on a number of subjects, but how can we reach any compromise when I am afraid of how she will react?
-- Adult
Dear Adult: I'm going to sidestep any attempt to diagnose your girlfriend, or even speculate about what her problem is, and turn directly to you.
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