ArcaMax

Dear Amy: My wife and I love the beach. We walk on the beach, kayak, picnic, and in the summer we swim.

When it's hot and the beach is crowded, my wife invariably asks me, "Are you checking out that girl in the bikini?"

I always say, "No," which is a lie she sees right through. An argument ensues, dampening our otherwise beautiful day.

I am in my 50s. I have no delusions of long-term futures with young girls (or anyone else) on the beach, but I love to look at attractive females. I try, apparently unsuccessfully, to be discreet, but my natural instinct is to stand and applaud. I know I sound like a dirty old man, but I doubt I am alone.

So, how can I be honest and not hurt my wife? And can we still go to the beach?

-- Lying on the Beach

Dear Lying: I think many of us in middle age passively admire young and beautiful people without being lascivious (your wife might actually be in this category, but from your own description, you are not). And so no -- I won't help you to find a way to check out women in front of your wife.

You say you know you sound like a dirty old man, and you're right; you do. In fact, I read this letter to one of my daughters, who rolled her eyes and said, "Ugh, gross." I doubt that was the reaction you were going for.

All "attractive females" know when they're being checked out. Some may enjoy the attention, but even if they do, the last thing they want on their day at the beach is a round of applause from you. In this context, your wife's feelings are more important than theirs -- or yours -- because she is the one you're married to. She is (presumably) the woman you're going home with.

You have a choice here: either stop checking out women, or come clean when she catches you and risk an argument. The first choice will make your beautiful beach days continue for many years, the second one will probably lead to her turning these beach trips into solo expeditions.

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