Wife does too much and receives too little
Dear Amy: I have been married for 33 years. I love my husband, but I have totally enabled him -- to the point where I am now feeling abused.
For instance, this morning, he was in a minor car accident. Through my business relationships, I have an excellent contact in the repair business, and so I kindly took his car in, gave him mine to use in the interim and picked up the rental.
I asked him to drive the rental so I could have my car back and he refused. I told him I felt used. He basically said I should get over it.
Because of my family background and decades of behaving this way, I am now at the point where I feel incredibly put upon because of all of the expectations, as well as the total lack of gratitude.
At this point I want to try and start pulling back from "doing everything" in our household: Making breakfast, lunch, coffee, laundry, cleaning, running the accounts, doing the taxes, etc.
It is important for me to keep harmony in my house, but I also want to take care of myself.
I am a successful business owner. I have a somewhat flexible schedule, which contributes to my taking on too many tasks.
How can I change this?
-- Frustrated
Dear Frustrated: You sound like a nurturing and competent caretaker. Perhaps you feel disappointed when people don't do things as well as you know you can, and so you do more, but then feel unappreciated.
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