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Stepfamily excludes one sister from wedding invite

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear Amy: My father has been married to his second wife for 14 years.

I have a pretty good relationship with my dad, and initially I enjoyed a good one with his wife. Over the years, things have changed. It is not a bad relationship, but it's just not a good one. She has two children. Initially, I went out of my way to attend events with my father's new family and I had a good relationship with her kids.

My sister is a different story. Things didn't start out great with the second wife, and they haven't gotten better. Both women seem to try, and things seem better, and then the second wife finds something to be offended by.

My dad's stepdaughter is getting married in two months. I received an invitation, but my sister did not. I think this is completely wrong. I would love to know your thoughts on this, and how to handle it.

-- Troubled Sister

Dear Troubled: I agree with you that it is wrong for your sister to be excluded from this family wedding. Keep in mind, however, that the invitation list is most likely drawn up by your stepsister and her future husband. In this case, you might assume that your stepmother approves of this exclusion, but if asked she may maintain plausible deniability.

 

Over the years, because of their poor relationship, your sister might have excluded this side of the family from events, and now they are retaliating. They may also be convinced that your sister would not attend, if invited.

You should go to your father and his wife and ask them about this. Express your honest view that excluding your sister is not good for family harmony. You may feel that because of this exclusion, you (also) don't want to attend this wedding, but be aware that this choice will likely negatively affect your relationship with them.

Dear Amy: My brother and I purchased a lake house together when our children were young. We've had many wonderful years there together; we are a close family.

My brother and his family spend much more time there than my family does, due to my work schedule. This is fine with me.

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